EnShanté

When people say, “nobody can hurt you without your permission,” what does that mean? It can’t be as obvious as it sounds, right? They have to be trying to convey something deeper because I don’t understand how a person can grant permission for that. Maybe they’re referring to how deep a person’s harm cuts or how long the pain lasts (assuming they’re talking about emotional harm, of course). If so, I can get with that.

We can totally control how long we ruminate on something and how long it prevents us from moving forward. I’m the queen of replaying uncomfortable and/or confrontational moments in my head, thinking of things I should have said, and arming myself with comebacks if the person tries to spin the block. Not my best quality, but I be proud of my comebacks.

While I’m still studying this behavior of mine, I’ve noticed that I only leave words unsaid when I try to communicate them in a way that doesn’t resonate with me. When I try to communicate passively-aggressively at work (nine-to-five work culture’s preferred communication style), for example, I struggle to get my thoughts out and abandon them, or I don’t attempt to share them at all. I’m then left feeling unheard, and I beat myself up about it by replaying the moment until I’ve thought of all of the things I should have said. I’m working on this by practicing saying what I want to say the way I want to say it. Wish me luck!

So, moving back to the question that prompted this post, I don’t think we permit people to hurt us. I think we can allow them to continue hurting us after the initial blow. We can allow them unwarranted space in our mind, and we can allow them to change our behavior by choosing to let the hurt control us. I know it’s not easy to let things go, but holding them close enough to smell is a choice.